 | Disabled Parents Network (DPN) is a national organisation of and for disabled people who are parents or who hope to become parents, and their families, friends and supporters. |  Contact Us 0300 3300 639 |
| Disabled Parents Network (DPN) is a national organisation of and for disabled people who are parents or who hope to become parents, and their families, friends and supporters. | Contact Us 0300 3300 639 |
Most parents who decide to have a child will have thought long and hard about the implications: Am I able to have a child? Will I be able to care for that child and give him or her full and happy life? Invariably, the answer to all these questions will be: Yes, as long as I receive the support that I need.
The same questions and answer will apply to both the disabled and the non-disabled parent. But for the disabled parent who faces a greater challenge, the answer alone will not be enough.
In our society, it is the parents' responsibility to care for their child. The disabled parent will have to fight to prove that they are capable of having this responsibility and will come up against many people making judgements about his or her abilities. The right to parent will not come automatically and may, indeed, be taken away.
When accessing services as a disabled parent in need of support, it is often your child who becomes the focus of attention. It is a natural human instinct to want to protect children and this is the stance from which welfare services begin.
Labels are adhered to the child as being 'in need' or 'at risk'. Protection becomes the key but what are we protecting the child from? Is it us, their own parents? We're told by service providers that you have only the child's interests at heart. Is it not my wish to protect my own child? Do I not have my child's interests at heart? Is that not the reason I am asking for help?
There has been much debate around the appropriateness of tasks which a child may be asked to perform. As a disabled parent I wholly agree that it would not be appropriate to expect my children to assist me with my personal care and I am fortunate enough to be able to employ personal assistants to do this for me. There are things that my oldest daughter who is almost seven does for me in a very natural way. If I drop something, she will automatically pick it up. If she offers me a sweet, she knows to put it in my mouth for me. She will fetch things for me because she knows that's easier and quicker than me fetching them myself.
As my children grow older, I will expect them to do simple household tasks. I'm sure they may argue at times and I may force the issue. My sister, who is a non-disabled parent, will do the same with her son. That is the way we were brought up.
Are my sister and I both guilty of the same thing? Or is there a difference? Is my sister's child a helpful boy who is good to his mother and going to be a modern man who can look after himself when he leaves home? Is my daughter a child who is in need of protection from me because someone could give her the label of being a Young Carer? Would you question my sister? Would you question me?
A lady I met who lives local to me has been relying on her ten year old daughter for support for five years due to the unwillingness of the local social services department to provide that support. For five years this child has been doing all the housework; carrying out personal care tasks for her mother, including helping her to the toilet; pulling a wheelchair up a flight of stairs due to inaccessible housing and operating a stair lift.
Imagine the mother's pain and frustration until finally she took the decision to make her story public and has obtained support from Disabled Parents Network. As a direct result, she is now in receipt of a direct payment and is being supported by personal assistance. She tells me that she now feels able to fulfil her role as a parent and care for her child without guilt. Her daughter is going to school and they both have the life that they have longed for.
This appalling situation and the pain of that family had been caused by an external force. Someone somewhere is responsible and accountable and has not fulfilled their statutory obligation, until now. But who is their obligation to? Is it to the child or is it to the disabled parent?
Another solution would have been to send the child to a Young Carer's Project. She would have gained support in her role and would benefit socially. How would this help her mother's situation though? Could this not add to her guilt and feelings of inadequacy by reinforcing the idea that the project may be giving the child what her mother could not? The Social Services Inspectorate report 'A Jigsaw of Services' (Department of Health 2000) was supportive of the view that the provision of dedicated services to Young Carers has taken place at the cost of the providing adequate services which support the needs of disabled parents.
Supporting young people in their roles as Young Carers only endorses their existence. It gives the message that their role is worthy and justified and does not address the real issue. If the disabled parent received adequate support, the young person would not need to carry out inappropriate caring tasks and therefore would not need such support.
last updated: 08 Jun 07
tags : Resources Young Carers
Registered Office: Disabled Parents Network, 81 Melton Road, West Bridgford, Nottingham, NG2 8EN. Registered Charity No: 1087662
Download this article as PDF