| Author | Message | ||
     David Garnett Unregistered guest Rating: N/A |
As I am disabled and, as MS progresses, I become more unable. It is difficult to shout/shriek in the apartment 'I need help/please help me!'. Whereas I used to drive, willingly taking her anywhere and picking her up, she now is confident with public transit. At home, I nap, I don't or cannot move, I gingerly get around. I do less, we get out less, The opportunities I see are now inaccessible, for me. I enjoyed going places with my daughter. How do I approach this now? | ||
| Alison Hornsbury (Alibali) Newbie Username: Alibali Post Number: 1 Registered: 01-2005 Rating: N/A |
Hi David, I am pleased to read mail from someone whose situation seems so familiar. I am also a single mother of teenagers of 14 (daughter) and 16 (son). I have been a single parent from before diagnosis - also with MS - about 7 years ago and have often felt that the majority of parenting tips etc focus on those having children or with smaller kids. I find that as my illness becomes more advanced I get more and more tired and really get out very little. I worry about the affect that the condition has on the kids but have found that they are quite resiliance. I was living in a very rural area and moved to Cambridge to give them more independance which has worked well for them but has left me with a much great problem of my own isolation. I do have friends who I still go and see. I have found that I can get the wheelchair onto trains quite easily and we do try and get out when we can. I also do go out with them on the bus into town for a meal sometimes choosing restaurants what are accessible and have found most of them really quite helpful. We also go to the cinema and theatre sometimes as again they are usually well equipped for people with disabilities. I do find holidays a nightmare as money is short and most less expensive holidays assume that you will have a car and breaks that are geared to disabled people tend to carry alot of expensive premiums. I would recommend thinking about how you can make public transport work for you also think about asking for a new Social Service assessment looking particularly at your social exclusion. They do fund help for this under direct payments, I am trying to get my package together, and hope to find someone who will be able to help us to get out together more often. Good luck Alison}} | ||
| Poppy Hasted Unregistered guest Rating: N/A |
I am another single parent with MS and two teenagers - daughters in my case aged 16 and 18. I have been diagnosed with MS for just over 20 years and have been a wheelchair user (full-time) for the last 7 years. My daughters have both been brought up with my limitations and as a result are incredibly disability aware and very political and active in the disability rights movement. My younger daughter is also disabled, having a dyspraxia diagnosis, but this doesn't stop her. I think that me being disabled has actually been good for them both as they are oth very resilient young people, very independent and quie capable of looking after themselves. Because I can't take them places they have been independently roaming round London (where we live) since they started seconadry school. They always let me know where they are going and keep in touch by mobile but they also try to stagger their expeditions and social lives to ensure that there is usually one of them at home to ensure I get fed and put to bed! During the day I am at work so it doesn't matter that they are at school but it is nice to have company in the evening and I as I can't do cooking any more or get myself dressed or undressed the girls make sure they are around for that or that I can at least find the cordless phone and ring for a takeaway! I'm often included in their social lives and many of their friends view me as another friend rather than the parent of a friend. It's not unusual for soem of their mates to ring and ask if I want to go to the pub or the pictures with them without either of my daughters being present, in fact I acn usually be found at weekends wandering round my loacl area with half a dozen teenagers in tow, none of whom belong to me! I am convinced that, whilst its hard being the disabled parent of teenagers, if it wasn't for my own daughters and the collection of 'adopted' teenagers I have, I would not be as active or as well as I am. They don't allow me to feel sorry for myself, regularly tell me to stop playing on my impairment because I'm perfectly capable of doing whatever I'm asking them to do I'm just being lazy (guilty!)and by including me in many of their activities, ensuring that at 44 I am still young! Enjoy your teenagers, treat them as you would like to be treated yourself (remember what it was like when you were a teenager and try not to do any of the things you hated your parents for doing to you)and thank whoever you like or believe in that you have them. Take care, Poppy | ||
| Jon Salisbury Unregistered guest Rating: N/A |
I have MS and three children aged 13, 14 and 18. And I'm a single parent, their mother having gone to live in Ireland. My fear is that I am going to do wrong by everybody: My children will grow up resentful of my illness and the divorce and my lovely, patient girlfriend will eventually resent my troupe of angry teenagers (she has 2 far more maleable young kids of her own) and I will just get more and more ill as the years go by and finally end up alone. I am not in a wheelchair now but have very restricted walking on a cane. My car is adapted and I work full time from home, so I am really very lucky. I just hate how this condition can strike at any minute. It is all so unpredictable and need to inject some kind of linearity into my life. Sorry that this is a bit of a rant, but I am scared. | ||
| kevin turvey Unregistered guest Rating: |
lazy teenage boys, i have a 17 year old son who is lazy, he wont wash unless told to, doesnt clean his teeth, stays in bed most of the day, wont cook himself any food unless its microwave food, and then only if its visable in the freezer, he basically doesn,t do much, he functions like a cripple expecting everything to be done for him, he messes around with bikes and leaves tools lying around outside, so they end up rusty or lost. he is completly disorganised in his whole life and so forgetfull its unbeliveable. Lets talk about work ( lol ) he wants to work in a garage mending cars etc, big problem is, he cant be assed to even phone up or go into a gargage and ask if theres any work going, he expects them to phone up. me and my wife are at our wits end, no garage would employ someone who cant even put his own tools away, i no i worked as a mechanic many years ago, any the basic rules are, always put tools away, never leave any tools lying around, always finish the job in hand and clean the car, wipe any fingerprints off etc etc. i have seen guys sacked for not cleaning tools and putting them away after they ahve finished using them. what chance has he got? hardly any seeing that his exams results were poor and he cant be bothered to retake them. he is wasting his life away and will end up cleaning toilets under supervision or something like that, because he wont do any thing off his own back. he always has someone else to blame thinks hes hard done by etc, everyone else in the family justifies there exesitance, we all work and we all tidy up, do dishes, put the washing machine on and general stuff like most familes do. the big problem is that he does not, he has all day and wont even hoover up, do the dishes, clean out the bath etc. he just leaves a mess for everyone else to clean up. he can be a likeable lad at times but hes living in a fantasy world. i no a lot of you may think its amazing why we have not kicked him out yet, we have been thinking about it as it seems this may be the only way he will grow up, ok he will end up in debt, with no electricty and wont pay any bills the place will be a •••• hole and he will get kicked out in the street. thats probably the best case sceanrio, whats liekly is that he will end up walking the streets and sleeping in doorways begging for money, that wont get him much becuase by the time he wakes up from a shop doorway the shops will be closed and all town will be empty of people, so he wouldnt have any luck living as a tramp. his older sister calls him a lazy tramp because that is what he his. so a word of advice, if you have a teengers that shows some of these traits do something quick or you will be lumbered with a waster like we are. i hate to admit it, but my son is a lazy, bone idol, good for nothing, waste of space who only speaks to me when he wants money or a lift somewhere. i am devestated that im in such a postion that i feel i have to write this, its 2.50pm in the afteroon and the lazy no-mark has just got up, he will winge like a 2 year old for breakfast, eat a bowl of coco pops, go out in the garden mess about with his bike, come in at 5 pm, winge for tea, go back out,start moaning again, come back in, sit on the doorstep, it will then be 7pm, eat a bloody sanwich cause hes too lazy to cook anything, go back out, come back about 10pm, watch tv n his room untill about 3am in the moring and get up again tommorrow at about 2.30pm, im not sure how hes looking for a job with this kind of routine, but his chances of getting one are nill..} | ||
| Samm Regular Poster+ Username: Samm Post Number: 24 Registered: 10-2008 Rating: N/A |
I do understand your frustration with your 17 yr old son. My eldest son is now 20 and his attitude is so laid back he is almost horizontal! However, I try really hard not to react anymore. I do believe this is a stage that boys of this age go through. Just because his time clock is different to mine does not make him a bad person. He is currently at Uni. This means if he doesn't cook..he doesn't eat! He has learnt to budget with money and when he comes home he does hoover! As he is my eldest, I am trying to learn from this experience for my younger son. It also means that we enjoy the little time we spend together if I am not at loggerheads with him. I do hope you find a way forward.  | ||
| Richardcmonks Newbie Username: Richardcmonks Post Number: 1 Registered: 02-2009 Rating: N/A |
Samm's reply: great! My mother made a lot of mistakes with me, but she was PATIENT. When I asked her about my sons, she advised to "let it ride" for a while. Sure, many go straight off to college. Some, for many reasons, want some time to themselves, first. Samm was right on in mentioning how he tries not to react much, and that "this is a stage that boys of this age go through." Also, my own apologies went to my oldest of 3 sons; the oldest child gets "learned on" to some degree. |
